Never Give Up!

I am completely obsessed. There are no two ways about it. I check the PBIA web cam just to see the clear blue sky and remember what it was like when I lived just minutes away. I check a weather site that I have set to show me the temp in West Palm Beach. I have the temps for West Palm Beach and Miami set on my home page so I can see it at all times. I even have some traffic cams from my area in WPB that I like to see set in my faves. I am obsessed. Completely and disgustingly obsessed. I am also really confused these days. Admittedly there are things about living in the NJ/NY area that I like but I swear they dont compare to what I miss and the way I feel about Florida. I do love the Fall up here. I hate the Winter but I can handle a few snow flurries here and there. I love Halloween here. I love to go fishing on Long Island. I love my thrifting on Long Island. I love going to those thrifts with my mother and the kids. And thats where it ends. I dont like any oher thing about living here.

Its been about 18 months that we have been living here now. In all this time I still wish I was back in WPB. I miss having a life. I miss the warmth. I miss the thunderstorms. I miss having friends. There is still family there that I miss. I miss being able to get up and go out the door with so much ease. Sandals, shorts, t-shirts...... Evening trips to the beach to let the kids run around until the sunsets. Parks to fly kites and remote control airplanes. 5 minutes in the car and you are where you want to be in West Palm Beach. 2 hour car drive to Universal Studios, Naples, or the Keys. Weekend stays at any of those places at any time of the year. To me living in South Florida is like living your life while on vacation. I miss the real things too. I miss the schools and the Dr.s the kids had. I miss my doctor that delivered C. Theres so much that i cant describe with words. I miss the life I had down there. Thats the bottom line.

I will admit that I still to this day have not given this place a fair chance. I dont want to like it. I am still holding out hope that we may live there again. I stop myself sometimes to realize that It wouldnt be exactly the same if we did go back. We wont live in the same really nice apartment, I might not reconnect with friends and it may not feel the same as it did before. The small optomistic side of me imagines that things may be better than last time. But the realistic side which is greater and a bit negative tells me that things may be worse and we may end up struggling harder than we ever have in our life.

Its such a hard thing to cope with. I never imagined I would feel this strongly for that place. Its not just the place though. Its the life I had there. I feel like a plant that has been ripped out of the ground and replaced in a place it doesnt naturally grow.